When something is bothering me, I often use writing as an escape. Letter writing in particular is cleansing, and writing a letter on a computer takes it to a whole other level…you have the power to write what you really want to say; i.e. you #!#? … and then delete it. It is beyond cathartic. I have written things to people in letters that I would never have the audacity to say in person, and then, of course, I delete it. I think part of the appeal is that it is a bit "naughty."
I wrote such a letter this week, and I actually sent it. It was something that Will said to me that prompted me to write the letter. He said, "Mommy, Mrs. Dennis said that we were all family at WPA." WPA is the private school that my children formerly attended, and Mrs. Dennis is the head of the lower school (I have changed the school's name and the head's name because I am nice). Our children no longer attend WPA because we determined that for our "family," it was not the right environment.
What bothered me about Mrs. Dennis' comment, and this is why I wrote to her, was her use of the word "family." Family is a powerful word in a child's world - family is everything to them. It is their security blanket - where they go for love and comfort. It is also a child's safety net; it is where they can fall and be caught, and where they are allowed to learn from their mistakes. Family does not judge, they protect. It was my experience that Mrs. Dennis, and WPA, improperly and prematurely passed judgement and failed to protect one of it's "family." Clearly our definition of family is different.
As I get older, the notion of family has become more meaningful and relevant to me. As a daughter, a sister, a wife and as a mother, I have many roles in my family. Each of these roles is important to me, and over time, each of these roles has helped to shape me into the person that I am today.
My most challenging role is, and I suspect will always be, that of a mother. My instinct is to protect my children. I know that I cannot protect them from everything, but while they are still young, I have the ability to place them in an educational environment where they will feel protected and not judged, and where they can be children. I want my children to understand that making a mistake is a part of learning and a part of growing up. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some will require discipline while others will not. Either way, a child should have the comfort of knowing that they will always be loved and accepted by their "family".
Coincidently, today was Benjamin's "Family Day" at our new school. As I sat watching toothless, smiling, first graders sing and dance, I could not help but think back to my letter. There was no "we are all family" speech (Thank God, I don't think I could have handled that!). Actually, there was no speech at all, just the necessary introductions. "Family Day" was a wonderful way to celebrate each child's family, and to teach and to reinforce the true meaning of a "family." It was a brilliant afternoon.
I feel better now that I have written a letter to Mrs. Dennis. The content of my letter is not important, as it was between Mrs. Dennis and me. Perhaps, the letter will enlighten her and she too will come to know the true meaning of "family."
Have a great weekend,
Czzy
